


Determined and Crazy and Bright and Joyful

by karotsamused



Series: Four Words Each [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Always a Girl, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, ambiguous gender identity, female Nishinoya, secret volleyball princess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:18:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3464132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karotsamused/pseuds/karotsamused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tanaka's grip on him relaxed, but his hand remained firmly over Asahi's eyes. “Asahi-san,” he whispered. His quiet was a plea.</p><p>Asahi pressed his lips together. He knew he was still shaking, but he couldn't control it. "I swear I will not tell anyone that Nishinoya is a girl."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Determined and Crazy and Bright and Joyful

**Author's Note:**

> Have mercy, it's been a million years since I've actually written anything and I decided to jump right into the deep end with my first foray into the world of volleybabies. This is tremendously light-hearted and accepting because I can't bear to make Asahi sad.
> 
> Also, the DaiSuga is in the background, Tanaka is an actual prince, and Noya's gender is actually my headcanon.
> 
> My Bean is a sweet and patient Bean and a very dear and wonderful beta.

Some habits took a while to form. Making good ones was as hard as breaking bad ones, as far as Asahi was concerned. It helped explain why he never remembered to flip his hair tie up over his wrist when he took his bun out.  
  
He did it every day, the ritual of hair-up, hair-down. Ever since he’d started growing his hair out he’d found it too unruly to leave loose, but he never could quite get the hang of keeping track of his hair tie. Half the time he'd nearly lost the stupid rubber band down the sink or in the toilet, but at least he'd learned to check his own bathroom first when he was at home.  
  
At training camp, he found himself scratching at the inside of his wrist only to realize it was bare. His first thought was to try the communal bathrooms that he, Daichi and Suga had just left. Softly, he sighed, then apologized before turning to head back. The second-years had their baths after the third-years, but he wouldn't be disturbing them too horribly by popping in for a second.  
  
He supposed it was his fault for forgetting to pack more than one. He _also_ supposed that Shimizu-san had some, but he would much rather face his sweaty kouhai than ask her a favor like that. He padded down the dark hallway toward the bathroom, scraping a hand through his damp hair. Already, he could hear Tanaka and Nishinoya chatting, the sound of running water.  
  
As Asahi pushed the door to the bathroom open, a few things happened in very quick succession:  
  
First, the door collided with Tanaka's forehead, causing him to yelp and jump backward.  
  
Thus having cleared a path for the door, Asahi pushed it still further, leaning in to apologize, startled, to whomever he had hit.  
  
Asahi's gaze did not reach as far as Tanaka, however, because his eyes first lit upon Nishinoya, who was already sliding into the bathwater.  
  
Nishinoya had made it hip-deep, and was bending to drop the rest of the way under the water. Dimly, something in Asahi registered that his pectoral muscles looked different than he’d been expecting. The recognition came swift and was immediately cut off.  
  
Tanaka grabbed Asahi by the collar and hauled him bodily into the bathroom, slamming a hand over Asahi's eyes as he kicked the door shut. Surprised, he hissed, "Asahi-san?"  
  
Beginning to shake, neurons firing, conclusions made, Asahi stammered, "I-I didn't see anything. E-e-e-except I saw it."  
  
Tanaka growled, then remembered he was menacing an upperclassman and dialed it back. "No, you didn't. You didn't see anything."  
  
With preternatural calm, Nishinoya murmured, "It's no use denying it. Now we've got to talk about it. Right, Asahi-san?"  
  
"Th-there's ab-s-solutely nothing to talk about," mumbled Asahi, the vision of Nishinoya sliding into the water clear on the inside of his eyelids. Tanaka's hand did nothing to help at all.  
  
"So are you going to tell anyone?" asked Nishinoya.  
  
"No!" The answer came quickly, knee-jerk.  
  
Tanaka's grip on him relaxed, but his hand remained firmly over Asahi's eyes. “Asahi-san,” he whispered. His quiet was a plea.  
  
Asahi pressed his lips together. He knew he was still shaking, but he couldn't control it. "I swear I will not tell anyone that Nishinoya is a girl."  
  
"Shh!!" hissed Tanaka, pressing in close. "Why would you even say that out loud?"  
  
From the bath, Nishinoya only laughed. "Yeah, Asahi-san, what a weird lie."  
  
Asahi nodded. "Lie. Right. I- uh. I came back f-for -- "  
  
"I'll bring it to you," said Nishinoya easily. "You left it on the sink again."  
  
"Th-thanks."  
  
"See you later, Asahi-san!" said Tanaka brightly, as he hauled the door open and nudged Asahi toward it.  
  
In the hall, the door firmly shut behind him, Asahi could barely hear Tanaka swearing over the thunder of his own heartbeat. For a long, long moment, all he could do was remind himself to breathe. But the longer he stood there, the better he could hear the sound of water moving. His mental image of the skin the water lapped against nearly brought him to his knees.  
  
Asahi stumbled away from the bathroom, somehow making it down the hallway and to their shared bedroom on muscle memory alone. Still, he paused in the bright light from the doorway. Somehow the light was too much to bear. He had to catch his breath.  
  
Unfortunately, he paused too long, cast in sharp relief against the dark hallway.  
  
"You look like you've seen a ghost," said Suga with a frown.  
  
Asahi found a wry smile, a nervous laugh. "I hit Tanaka with the door."  
  
The remaining second and first-years who were waiting their turn tried to stifle their laughter. Daichi did no such thing, his head thrown back. "Hard?"  
  
"No! No, just. I surprised him," murmured Asahi apologetically. "He had a red mark."  
  
Suga gave Asahi his small, close-mouthed smile, though his eyes glittered with amusement. "I'm sure he forgives you."  
  
"I won't, if you've made him cross-eyed for tomorrow's practice," said Daichi lightly.  
  
Asahi felt his heart sink as he entered the room. Only he and Tanaka could have known about Noya, from the way the others were reacting. Otherwise, Suga would have stopped him walking in on them.  
  
And _that_ , the thought of Noya hiding with Tanaka, made the color flush to Asahi's face. Not only did Tanaka know, but he’d been standing, fully-clothed, facing the door when Asahi had broken in. Like a guard.  
  
"Hey, now, Hinata's been beaned a dozen times and his eyes are still mostly okay," said Tsukishima, with his version of generosity. Hinata squawked, inciting a brief squabble that Daichi quelled with a minimum of shouting. Asahi settled in behind him, absently fiddling with the hem of his shirt.  
  
Sugawara sat next to him, smiling faintly. "Startled you so badly you didn't even get your band, did you?"  
  
Asahi turned to give him a half-truth, which, he reasoned, was not nearly as bad as a full untruth, when his hair tie pinged off of his chest with a tiny, wet thwap.  
  
"Heads-up, Asahi-san!" teased Nishinoya, sauntering back with Tanaka on his heels. They were both still damp, Tanaka with the particular air of someone who had rushed through his bath.  
  
Quickly, the remaining three second-years rose to take their turn at the baths. Asahi didn't notice them pass, too busy trying desperately not to stare at Noya. That glimpse had burned into his memory. Nishinoya's body, mottled with bruises but still smooth, sinking into the depths of the tub. Noya had a rather spectacular bloom of a bruise over his hip from a poor landing, red-violet in the middle bleeding to green edges. And others, bruises over his shoulders and arms, his wrists, his hands. But the skin over the base of his throat was unmarred, soft like the undersides of his arms.  
  
Sugawara said something, a dull murmur in the edges of Asahi's hearing. Asahi twisted the hair tie in his fingers, daring a glance first at Suga, then at Noya.  
  
Noya looked calm and easy, but from behind him, Tanaka gave Asahi a warning look. It wasn't a threat, not yet, but Tanaka wanted his disapproval to be clear.  
  
Asahi looked away, ashamed. He fought for normalcy, dragging himself back to whatever Suga had said. But the moment had passed and the conversation had gotten away from him. He just sat in the background, listening to the others talk. Asahi had never been in a group that talked so single-mindedly about one thing as this team. The first-years were fanatical about volleyball and, in fact, seemed to veer away from any other personal interests they might have. Tanaka and Noya were contented to tease the kouhai and offer them worldly advice as their elders. Daichi and Suga looked on like approving parents, calming squalls and keeping Tanaka from getting too big an ego.  
  
Asahi couldn't stop looking at the curve of Noya's neck where his drying hair left his skin exposed. How had he never noticed the lines of Noya's neck were so clean? Not a hint of stubble, no Adam's apple, just cords of muscle and soft skin. How had he never noticed the softness at the edge of Noya's jaw, or the perfect pink shell of his ear? Or the soft spray of his eyelashes, the expressiveness of his brow, the gold flecks in his eyes as - as Noya turned to look at him.  
  
Frozen, Asahi could do nothing but stare back.  
  
Noya's mouth twitched into a cheeky grin. He turned, touching Tanaka’s arm, but at that moment Hinata asked if Tanaka felt cross-eyed and there was more than enough to distract them all. Noya helped the first-years pin Tanaka down to check and laughed outright as Tanaka squirmed and complained because he'd already gotten clean and his kouhai smelled like feet. Daichi told them to cut out the roughhousing and threatened them with more training the next day if they still felt so energetic. The only one who rebounded excitedly from that was Hinata, looking starry-eyed at the prospect of cramming yet more volleyball into his precious waking hours.  
  
Asahi couldn't help but relax into being fond of them, all of them, determined and crazy as they were. He even found it in himself to laugh at the first-years' game of rock-paper-scissors to see who got first bath, and the ensuing grumbling from Hinata and Kageyama when they both threw the same losing sign in tandem. As the other second-years returned and the winning first-years left, Kageyama and Hinata sequestered themselves in a corner to grouch at one another.  
  
In the relative quiet, Noya pushed himself up and said, "I'm goin' to the vending machine. Anybody want anything?"  
  
Asahi joined the others in a chorus of polite refusals, but on his way past, Noya kneed him in the middle of the back. Asahi jolted, then scrambled to his feet. "I'll go, I - uh. Want to see what they've got."  
  
Noya smiled and led him out into the dark hallway. They walked for a few paces, socked feet over cold tile floors the only sound between them. It struck Asahi, not for the first time, how tremendously powerful Noya was despite his small frame. He could hold Asahi in utter silence, waiting for his cue. Once they were out of earshot of the room, though, Noya murmured, "So you've got questions, right, Asahi-san?"  
  
"No," said Asahi, because it wasn't his business and if he started asking, he might not stop.  
  
Noya made an irritated noise. At least, it sounded irritated to Asahi, but Noya's brow was smooth and his eyes weren't harsh. "I guess I'll just tell you, then."  
  
Noya looked behind them, then started walking a little closer to Asahi, though he didn't change his pace. "When I was in middle school I accidentally signed up for the boys' club. That's all there is to it, really."  
  
Asahi blinked down at Noya, pale in the dark. "That's - that's all?"  
  
"Yep!" said Noya brightly, starting to laugh. "I went into the wrong gym and got myself signed up. And, well, there'd been a lot of girls joining that year, so I ended up getting a better spot with the boys' team. Plus, I look like one, you know?"  
  
Asahi bit down a contradiction. He'd been fooled, certainly, but only into believing that Noya was one of the most beautiful young men he'd ever met, especially when his delicate features were hardened with concentration. As they made it to the vending machine, he watched Noya poke at the buttons to get himself a can of juice.  
  
"So. You and Tanaka?" he managed, drowned out by the sound of the can hitting the tray.  
  
Noya paused, then burst out laughing. "No!" he gasped, holding his sides. He laughed hard enough to have to wipe tears from his eyes.  
  
Taken aback, Asahi just reached down to retrieve Noya's can, hefting the cold weight of it against his palm.  
  
Noya took it from him with light fingers and repeated, "No. No. Just. One time at practice he picked me up and he got a grip on my binder. He freaked out, thought I had broken ribs, and _dropped me_ , the ass."  
  
"He - dropped you, because he thought your ribs were broken?" echoed Asahi. He wished he were more surprised.  
  
"Yeah!" Noya grinned. "And then he cried because he thought I was going to die. So I basically had to tell him." He cracked the can and had a sip.  
  
The soft lines of Noya's throat moved as he swallowed. Asahi couldn't look away. Still, something nagged at him. "Um. What's a binder?"  
  
To Asahi's great distress, Noya flipped his shirt up.  
  
He came to a moment later, Noya leaning over him. "Asahi-san. Asahi-san, are you okay?" he whispered, frowning.  
  
Asahi pressed himself to the wall as he sat up, taking a deep breath. "Why would you do that to me?" he whispered back, trying not to sound let the question come out in a whimper.  
  
Noya rolled his eyes. "I'm wearing a binder," he repeated, pulling his shirt up. This time, he only raised it a few inches, to show black fabric that started just under his ribs. "This one just looks like an undershirt."  
  
Asahi rubbed his hand over his face. "Why would that make Tanaka think you had broken ribs?"  
  
"Back then I had a bigger one," answered Noya, holding a hand out to help Asahi to his feet. "It had a strap that, I guess, would have felt kind of like a bandage."  
  
Asahi's treacherous mouth said, "Why would you want, um. I mean, what’s- why did you previously have a bigger one?”  
  
Noya looked unperturbed. "Because this one was more expensive and I had to save for it." He wrinkled his nose a little. "And I don't really _want_ to sleep in it, but here I don't have a choice. I don’t normally have it on, this time of night.”  
  
"You don't trust Tanaka to protect you?"  
  
"I don't need protecting!" protested Noya, frowning more fiercely. "You only get to say things like that tonight. Starting tomorrow it had better be back to normal."  
  
Asahi held his hands up, placating. "Okay! Okay." He swallowed. "But--"  
  
Noya huffed. "Tonight, yeah, okay, fine. Get it out of your system."  
  
"Why was Tanaka guarding you in the bathroom?" asked Asahi before he lost his nerve.  
  
"From you, apparently," said Noya, but he'd started to smile again. "Normally it's not guarding. Just because we're team doesn't mean I let him look."  
  
Asahi turned away from the light of the vending machine so Noya couldn't see how violently he blushed. "Makes sense."  
  
"He's never tried to peek either," said Noya, sounding appreciative. "And one time last year he farted in the bathwater so now we don't have to worry about the other guys barging in."  
  
"He -- " echoed Asahi, then made a face. Despite himself, he started to laugh. "He didn't do that on purpose?"  
  
"He's never said," replied Noya, looking magnanimous. “But Narita shot out of the bathroom so fast he forgot his clothes. Tanaka brought them to him later, apologizing for the smell.”  
  
Asahi was relieved to laugh. It lessened the tension in his shoulders, helped the color recede from his face.  
  
"Were you gonna get anything?" asked Noya. He nodded toward the vending machine.  
  
"Oh. No," said Asahi, and turned, taking that as his cue to walk. "I'd think after that stunt, the others would make you and Tanaka go second."  
  
"You'd think," agreed Noya, shrugging as he fell into step. "But Tanaka’s fast about it, and nobody wants to walk behind him.” He looked over. "I'm surprised you get to go with Daichi-san."  
  
"Hey--" protested Asahi, but he was cut off by Noya's laughter. As they rounded the corner back toward the room, Noya shouldered him.  
  
"Are you worried, Asahi-san?"  
  
Asahi looked down at him. "No," he answered softly. It didn't change Noya's performance in the game. It didn't change his trust in Noya. Noya still had his back.  
  
Noya smiled. He sauntered along, drinking his juice, looking for all the world as though Asahi's assurance was enough.  
  
Maybe, for Noya, it was.  
  


* * *

  
Somehow, Asahi made it through the evening. Everybody bathed, everybody bedded down, everybody slept. Asahi didn’t make it a point to ignore Noya, but he let himself be distracted by the others as opportunities arose. He didn’t miss the way Tanaka bent his head to whisper to Noya, nor the way Noya elbowed him and laughed in response.  
  
In fact, as the next day’s practice wore on, and Noya and Tanaka were predictably inseparable, Asahi caught them whispering frequently. Asahi tried to put it from his mind. Of course, Tanaka would be doubtful of adding another person to the group of secret-keepers. Of course he would be protective of Noya; they were good friends! Asahi resolved not only to be trustworthy but to focus on practice, and then on their practice games.  
  
Nothing about Noya’s skill had changed. He was still a daredevil, still tremendously competent, still prone to shouting ridiculous attack names. He puffed up when Hinata complimented him, and cheered his team whenever they pulled off a good play. Asahi was glad to turn to him and tell him “Nice receive!” when he’d earned it, and Noya always grinned in response.  
  
Each night’s bath time order mirrored the first. The third-years went in a group, followed by Noya and Tanaka, followed by Narita, Ennoshita and Kinoshita, and the first-years had a rock-paper-scissors match to determine who went last.  
  
Asahi tended to be compulsive about his hair tie. If it wasn’t in his hair, it was over his wrist, even when he dropped into the bath. Sugawara teased him about it, gently, because nobody wanted Tanaka to get another knock in the head.  
  
Each night’s bedtime saw Noya on his back, sleeping easily, his arms thrown out or curled above his head. Tanaka was always nearby. If he watched over Noya at night, he didn’t show it in the morning. For all given appearances, nothing had changed.  
  
Nothing had changed.  
  


* * *

  
On the bus back home, Asahi wanted nothing more than to sleep a little bit. The practice matches, one after another, had been exhausting and exhilarating in equal measure. They had been _fun_ in a way Asahi had missed dearly. Not least of all because his teammates were thrilled, buoyed on the boundless enthusiasm of Hinata, Tanaka, Noya. It was good to be on a team with people who were having a blast no matter what, people who threw themselves into battle with all the determination and insanity they could muster.  
  
The bus was a little big for their group, and Asahi took a window seat, letting his shoulder rest against the cool glass. Hinata and Tanaka slid in behind him, Tanaka shepherding Hinata close to the window to help allay his motion sickness.  
  
Asahi let their conversation wash over him from behind. Hinata protested that he wasn't nervous, so he had no reason to vomit. Tanaka reminded Hinata of the place Hinata had last chosen to barf, and insisted he'd taken it upon himself as Hinata's responsible sempai to prevent a repeat performance. Hinata capitulated, praising Tanaka’s wisdom as elder and laughing with embarrassment in equal parts.  
  
Tsukishima made a wry comment from behind them. Yamaguchi laughed, Hinata squawked, Tanaka shot back with a retort and once again Daichi had to tell everyone to settle. It was a good rhythm - Tsukishima instigating, the others falling for the bait - that gave the volume in the bus a predictable rise and fall. Despite himself, Asahi put this head against the window and slept.  
  
He woke some time later to someone sliding into the seat next to him, and leaning close. Asahi cracked an eye open and found Tanaka assessing him.  
  
"Hm?" he mumbled, disquieted by the intensity of Tanaka's scrutiny.  
  
"You didn't mess up even once," whispered Tanaka, ducking his head below the level of the seat.  
  
Asahi blinked as he woke up a little better, then shook his head. "I didn't want to," he whispered back.  
  
Tanaka's expression relaxed. "Cool."  
  
It was true. Ever since Asahi had found out, he hadn't used the wrong pronoun for Noya. To Asahi, Noya would always be 'he' and 'him', because that was what Noya _told_ everyone he was. It was simple enough, at least in conversation.  
  
In Asahi's head it was a little thornier. He knew what he’d seen, and Noya’s form didn’t bring much masculinity to mind. But he wasn't constantly thinking about what was between his friends' legs when he spoke to them, so he supposed it couldn't be any different even though his first assumption about Noya had been wrong. Asahi treated Shimizu-san differently than his teammates, but she was their _manager_ and she'd very strictly set personal boundaries when they'd met. Noya threw himself at everyone, climbed them like a monkey, bounced past with a touch. Noya was different.  
  
If another girl acted like Noya did, maybe Asahi would treat her like he treated Noya, too. There wasn't anything particularly flirty or suggestive about him, and even his talk about his own body was frank to the point of being banal. Noya had even convinced Asahi to be comfortable with the idea. Even if Noya was the first naked girl Asahi had seen in his entire life.  
  
... _Noya was the first naked girl Asahi had seen in his entire life_.  
  
Thankfully, Tanaka had moved back to keep Hinata from flopping out of the seat behind him, so Tanaka couldn't see Asahi trying desperately to die by willpower alone. Asahi tucked his face up inside the collar of his jacket and pressed his forehead to the window again, staring unseeing at the road passing below.  
  
Though it seemed silly and romantic, Asahi had always hoped his first vision of a girl's body would be the wife he loved on their wedding night. It sounded lovely like that. Because once he'd seen her, he knew he'd want to protect her, all of her, for the rest of her life. And she, whoever she was, would love him and trust him enough to show him.  
  
Instead, there was Noya, bruised and battered, and Tanaka swearing and clutching at his forehead, and Asahi getting his breath knocked out of him when Tanaka threw him against the wall.  
  
It wasn't fair, not for either of them.  
  
He wondered what Noya would have wanted. Certainly he cared more than he was letting on. Of course he did, he had to. He hadn't let Tanaka peek, after all.  
  
Noya was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.  
  
Asahi pressed his forehead harder to the glass when that thought sank in. He tried to refuse the idea that Noya was breathtaking, was burned into his memory like a brand. But when he closed his eyes he could see the pale lines of him, the sharp angles of his elbows and the gentle curve where his stomach disappeared into the water. And, worst of all, the thought Asahi had denied throughout training so he could keep his head firmly in the game, was the image of Noya’s breasts swaying gently down as he moved. He’d fought hard not to acknowledge them, but without the looming presence of a game the next day, Asahi’s mind was free to return to - to Noya’s _breasts_. He was a peeping Tom, a voyeur, a pervert!  
  
The rest of the ride was terrible, surrounded by the sussurus of his teammates sleeping or talking softly. Asahi was alone, hiding his burning shame under the guise of sleep.  
  
As they pulled back up to Karasuno, Tanaka chided Hinata for drooling all over himself. Hinata reasoned that it was better than puke, and half the team voiciferously agreed. Asahi got unsteadily to his feet, stretching once he'd made it down the steps off the bus.  
  
Noya, yawning, zipped his windbreaker up to the collar and bounced from foot to foot. He fidgeted all through the last words Coach Ukai gave them before they split to head home, and jogged backwards ahead of the pack that started heading downhill.  
  
"You slept well on the bus?" murmured Suga, smiling a little.  
  
Noya pumped his fist in the air. "So well! I'm ready to go!"  
  
"Ah, it'll be good energy to get your homework done, then," said Suga mildly. He laughed when Noya deflated a little, and waved a hand. "That's what tomorrow's for, right?"  
  
"Exactly. Don't scare me like that," said Noya, wrinkling his nose.  
  
"Ah, yeah, I've got a lot to do," murmured Asahi, frowning. Even though his grades were middling, though he didn't even plan on heading to university, he still had to keep up to stay in the club.  
  
Daichi cleared his throat. To a man, they all turned to him. Suga was already grinning.  
  
Daichi opened his mouth, shut it, raised a finger, pointed at Noya. "Homework _only_ , no magazines. Tomorrow afternoon. I'm catching up on sleep."  
  
Noya whooped, and vaulted into the air in victory.  
  
Normally, if Noya aimed for someone, he went for a first-year or Tanaka, anyone that looked prepared to catch him. Since Asahi had learned his little secret, however, apparently it made him fair game. Asahi found himself cradling Noya with a hand under one arm and the other braced at his hip.  
  
"Hey, easy!" cried Asahi. He could feel the weight of the binder under his fingertips, the way the softness of Noya's armpit disappeared beneath it.  
  
"Don't hurt yourself before the inter-high," chided Daichi.  
  
"The Greatest Libero doesn't break that easy," said Noya, waving off any concern by rolling out of Asahi's grip and landing on his feet. He grabbed his bag up from where he'd dropped it and slung it over his shoulder.  
  
Asahi couldn't pay attention to Noya's bluster, not when he'd caught him and realized that, while his muscle gave him weight, Asahi could hold him with no trouble. And breathe the smell of him, leftover sweat from the last game dried in his hair. Noya smelled spicy, body odor and laundry detergent and some kind of minty aftershave that gave his scent a depth that was more believable as male. It was good, it was so good, and so tremendously distracting.  
  
It was not so distracting as to keep him from noticing Noya falling into step beside him. Nor the way Noya looked up at him, eyebrows raised, daring him to comment.  
  
It had been a test, then, another way for Noya to trust Asahi with his body. Asahi didn't respond, for lack of words. His body language was a mess, though, if the heat in his chest and neck had translated to a blush. In an effort to recover, he adjusted his hold on his own bag, smacking Noya with it in the process. He was rewarded with a scoffing laugh.  
  
Noya broke off not long after, turning up the street he lived on. But he cast a grin back over his shoulder, the barest tip of his tongue poking out from between his teeth.  
  
Asahi turned away from it to catch Suga looking at him curiously. Asahi's stomach dropped to his knees, but Suga only smiled at him and turned his attention back to Daichi.  
  


* * *

  
When Asahi got to Daichi's the next afternoon, he had been expecting word to spread among the team, to see a ton of bodies all sprawled out on the floor, complaining and studying and kicking at one another.  
  
Instead, it seemed Hinata and Kageyama were studying together alone, Tsukishima had had quite enough of his team for one week (Yamaguchi being the only exception), and Tanaka had gotten an earful about leaving his family so soon after coming home. Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita had prior arrangements, which primarily appeared to serve as a excuses to study in their own homes without distraction.  
  
With only Asahi, Noya, and Suga in attendance, they could take up residence in Daichi's room instead of pestering his parents. Asahi ended up on the floor with Noya, while Suga and Daichi traded flashcards with one another from Daichi's futon. Asahi leaned up against the side of the futon and balanced his book on his knees. Noya starfished out on the floor, absently kicking a foot in the air every few moments, or rolling around. Noya was in constant motion, it seemed. Asahi wondered what he looked like, crammed into a desk chair, made to sit in the quiet classroom rows. He had the capacity for ultimate stillness in anticipation on the court. Somehow, it didn’t seem that those same defensive instincts would kick in during a teacher’s lecture.  
  
Noya eventually settled with his cheek against his bent elbow, his hand curled around the back of his head and absently tugging on the ends of his hair.  
  
With some effort, Asahi focused on his homework. The sounds of pages turning, of papers flipping, of Suga sighing and Daichi's little hisses of success drowned out the thoughts in the back of his head.  
  
Like the thoughts that focused on the way Noya's lips were pursed with the weight of his cheek against his arm, and the soft shine of his tongue when it guided the end of Noya's pen between his teeth.  
  
Daichi groaned in frustration, snapping Asahi's eyes back to his book. Guiltily, he didn't look up again until Daichi's mother knocked to make sure Daichi had offered them snacks. When they confirmed that all they really needed was more time to study, she left them alone again.  
  
Noya flopped onto his back and chewed on the end of his pen, drawing absent figures with the tip. He didn't appear to be reading anything except the minute shadows on the ceiling.  
  
Asahi watched with mounting horror as Noya scratched his belly, then reached into his sweatpants to readjust himself. It was a gesture so thoughtlessly masculine, one he'd seen his teammates do in the locker room or on lazy afternoons like this, one he'd done himself many a time, that under any other circumstances he'd have ignored it. But Noya _didn't have anything to adjust_ , which meant he'd learned the gesture and had been practicing it for years. All the while, he'd scratched at - at air. Asahi convinced himself it was air, so he could return his focus to studying without embarrassing himself further.  
  
He didn't miss when Noya, like any of them would have, absently rubbed his nose afterward.  
  
Asahi's throat went so dry it clicked.  
  
Suga flopped dramatically backward on the futon, his head ending up by Asahi's elbow. "I," he declared, “can’t feel my legs.”  
  
Daichi snorted, and patted Suga's knee. "Are you tapping out?"  
  
Behind Asahi, Suga shifted, stretching his legs out so they were on either side of Daichi's knees. "A break, sensei, I need a break."  
  
Obligingly, Daichi hummed and started rubbing his hands over Suga’s shins. “Reasonable.”  
  
Noya rolled over. He put his chin on his fist and pulled the pen from his mouth, pointing it at them. "Is this study session gonna end up like it does in movies?"  
  
Daichi gave him a withering look. "Oh, yes, I invited all of you with that express purpose."  
  
Sugawara laughed, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. "Who lets you watch those kinds of movies?" But he didn’t move away, only let his hands rest contentedly over his stomach.  
  
Noya rolled his eyes. "Asahi-san, we should get out of here. Can I come over?"  
  
"What? Yes, okay, why?" answered Asahi, looking back behind him. Daichi didn't look particularly put out, but his countenance was naturally stern, which made him hard to read. The hand he had left companionably on Suga's knee was more telling than the set of his jaw.  
  
At once, Asahi pushed himself up. Noya was making assumptions and, based on evidence, Asahi was keen to follow along. Moreso, he was ready to get off of that floor and away from Noya -- who he'd just invited over. And would be with. Alone. In his room.  
  
Noya would be the first girl he'd taken back to his room.  
  
Suga didn't even get up, just waved an upside-down goodbye at them from the end of the bed.  
  
Asahi left in a haze, thanking Daichi's parents as he and Noya left, toeing into his shoes, hefting his books under one arm. Noya was a dark spot beside him, until he brought Asahi back down with, "You knew, right?"  
  
"Knew what?" asked Asahi distantly.  
  
"Oh. This is another thing nobody talks about," said Noya knowingly. He grinned. "Lotta secrets on this team, huh?"  
  
Asahi blinked. "Ah - no. I didn't know. It's not my business."  
  
"They kind of made it our business, Asahi-san," reasoned Noya, waving a hand. "Showing off like that. It's blatant, is what it is."  
  
After a moment, he added, "I mean, if they haven't gotten alone-time in a week, that's pretty rough."  
  
Asahi flushed, catching Noya's drift. "I - I don't think sharing the bathroom with _me_ was the only reason--"  
  
Noya laughed brightly. "I didn't say it, Asahi-san! I didn't say a word!"  
  
Asahi gave a miserable groan and covered his face with both his hands. Noya kept laughing, not unkindly. It was more a joyful sound, and he generously took Asahi's elbow to keep him from staggering into the street while his eyes were covered.  
  
"That was cruel," mumbled Asahi, when he took his hands down.  
  
Noya just smiled at him. "Aw, come on. You're happy for them, right?"  
  
"Well, yeah, of course," answered Asahi immediately. The reaction was knee-jerk loyalty, but the longer he thought about it, the idea seemed less strange. Daichi and Suga were complementary to one another. Suga was the only one who could talk back to Daichi without retribution. Daichi loved his team, but it was Suga he trusted to lead when their team split for practice games. And the way the soft contentment on Suga's face had been tempered with anticipation as he'd said goodbye, well. It wouldn't ever hurt Asahi to have someone look at him like that.  
  
"Yeah," he echoed, more quietly.  
  
"Yeah," said Noya, smiling faintly.  
  
Asahi couldn't help but ask, "I wonder why they decided to tell us."  
  
Noya shrugged. "Maybe they were planning to today, but you know. Nobody else showed up. They didn't _really_ tell us anything anyway. You think some of the little ones would have picked up on it, even?"  
  
"Are you calling the first-years 'little ones'?" asked Asahi, smiling.  
  
Noya gave him a daring look. "You think of them that way, don't lie."  
  
"You're a little one to me too, then," reasoned Asahi, his voice dropping into something soft and fond. Predictably, Noya made a disgruntled noise and started grumbling about how a libero didn't need to be unnaturally tall. Asahi let him talk himself out, relaxing. Something about Noya just being Noya really did set him at ease. He could forget that his brain was a tangle of knots around the thought of Noya and just _be_ with him.  
  
Asahi didn't live far from Daichi, so the walk was short. In almost no time, Noya bounded up the stairs to the Azumane apartment and leaned against the wall while Asahi let them in. He'd been there before a handful of times, enough to know where to leave his shoes and which door was Asahi's and which was the bathroom. He shouted a bright hello to the apartment at large, and grinned when no answer came. Asahi's family was often busy enough with their own business that the apartment spent a lot of time empty, and this afternoon was no different.  
  
Asahi watched Noya's back as he headed for Asahi's bedroom. He sighed, locked the front door behind himself, and padded after him. By the time he got to his own doorway, Noya was already sprawled out on the end of his bed, one of Asahi's magazines open and held above his head so the subscription request papers fell out, scattering around his shoulders. The sight of Noya on his bed brought Asahi's guilt right back, and he found himself gripping the doorframe like letting go would shake the apartment to pieces.  
  
"Ah. Um. Nishinoya. Maybe this was a bad idea." His voice was thin and raspy with nerves.  
  
"I'll study, I'll study, just let me finish this," said Noya, undisturbed. He flipped a page, idly wiggling his toes.  
  
"No. It's - it's not about that. Could you put that down? Please?"  
  
Slowly, Noya tilted his head back to look at Asahi upside-down. He stared at Asahi for a moment, then rolled over and sat up facing him, smoothing the magazine down onto the blanket by his hip. "Asahi-san?"  
  
In a quiet, miserable tone, Asahi confessed. "I feel like I'm lying to my parents. I told them I wouldn't ever bring a girl over when they weren't home. A-and I'd never bring her to my room."  
  
Noya's eyes narrowed. "I've been here before. You didn't _care_ during the game."  
  
"I didn't know before." Asahi looked down at the floor. "And - and it _doesn't_ make a difference on the court. But it matters here. Can you see that?"  
  
Asahi had expected Noya to snap, to yell at him for being an idiot, to argue. But the ensuing silence was somehow so much worse. Asahi cringed, unable to look up and bear the pressure.  
  
He jumped when a paper ball hit him in the chest. He looked up, finding Noya perched on the edge of the bed, one knee pulled up with his elbow resting on it. Idly, Noya tossed another paper ball, one of the subscription slips from the inside of the magazine.  
  
"You know, Asahi-san, parents only make those rules for a particular reason."  
  
Asahi winced, feeling the familiar heat rush to his face. He was a criminal, a monster, and now Noya knew it. He'd ruined everything, because he couldn't keep himself from being despicable. He couldn't help but want her, want what he'd seen, want _Noya_.  
  
Noya let Asahi stew for only a few seconds before he murmured, "Did you feel this way before you found out?"  
  
It was such an odd question, Asahi had to repeat it. "Did I feel -- what?"  
  
"Because maybe that's why we got kicked out at Daichi-san's. It wasn't just the two of them telling us they're together." Noya broke into a huge grin. "It was a big, gay go-ahead. Wasn't it, Asahi? You like me!" He clapped his hands in delight, leaning forward.  
  
Asahi would have stumbled backward if he didn't still have such a grip on the doorframe. He stammered, "Wh-what happened to 'Asahi-s-san'?"  
  
Noya slipped off the edge of the bed and came close enough to poke Asahi in the chest. "Say it. Say you like me, Asahi. I won't be your boyfriend -- or your girlfriend -- if you don't."  
  
Bewildered, Asahi said, "I like you, I like you - of course I -- wait!" He clapped his hands over his mouth.  
  
For Asahi, however, it was far too late. The words had scrambled out of him in response to a threat he hadn't known Noya was prepared to make. And now, having heard them, Noya looked triumphant, his hands on his hips.  
  
"Good." He grinned, looking slyly up through his lashes. "That's really good to hear, Asahi."  
  
Asahi sank against the doorframe, using it to hold himself up. His knees felt weak and useless. "That's not funny," he mumbled, ready to sink into the floor.  
  
Noya frowned. "What's supposed to be funny? I said if you told me I'd date you. I'm glad you went for it!" He couldn't hold the frown for long, and ended up beaming. He threw himself at Asahi, grabbing his shirt in both hands. "You really said it!"  
  
Gaping, Asahi breathed, "You're -- we're -- date me?" As Noya rolled his eyes, Asahi brought his hands up to curl around Noya's wrists. "Oh. Oh."  
  
He smoothed his thumbs over the soft insides of Noya's wrists, caught by the sudden mischievousness that took over Noya's face. "Yeah," he agreed, nodding. "That's okay, right?"  
  
Noya was leaning in before Asahi could make it through a nod. He pressed soft lips to Asahi's mouth, his eyes open and intense. Asahi stilled, his hands going tight on Noya's wrists, but he didn't let go. He took a shaky breath in through his nose and spread his fingers over Noya's wrists, forcing his hands to loosen.  
  
Insistently, Noya bumped their noses together, startling Asahi into a response. He tried to relax, to give the impossible softness of Noya's lips a better place to rest. He took another breath, closing his eyes, and felt Noya sigh with him. Tentatively, carefully, Asahi slid one hand up Noya's arm to press his fingertips to Noya's jaw.  
  
Noya surged toward him at that touch, throwing his arms around Asahi's neck to keep him close. There was nothing for Asahi but to wrap his arms around Noya in return, pressing his hands to the strong expanse of Noya's back. Noya pressed in hard, crushing Asahi's lips against his teeth, so he had to pull back and stare.  
  
"Ah. Noya," he whispered, finally seeing the hint of desperation in Noya's eyes.  
  
"You do like me, right? You're not upset I'm - not a guy?" asked Noya, his hands kneading the back of Asahi's collar.  
  
The first thing he could think to say was, "Sure you are," but when he felt Noya tense he shifted his hands to Noya's hips to hold him. "You're... you're whichever. I'm not upset. I. Um. I like _you_."  
  
Noya huffed a little. "Then I should probably leave, huh?"  
  
"What?" cried Asahi, holding a little tighter. His heart sank. "Did I say something--"  
  
"So you don't get in trouble," said Noya, starting to smile. "With your girlfriend in your room and all."  
  
Asahi sagged with relief at the same time his ears turned bright red. "No-ya-a."  
  
Noya laughed, a bright, joyful sound. He ducked out of Asahi's arms to scoop up his bag. "I'll call you tonight!"  
  
Asahi shifted out of the doorway to let him pass. Noya's sudden changes of topic were always enough to startle him back into polite distance. "Okay."  
  
"And I'll see you tomorrow," added Noya, walking backwards toward the door.  
  
Asahi nodded again, following, feeling suddenly at a loss. "At practice."  
  
"And then we'll walk home," said Noya, more softly, reaching out to pull Asahi down to his level. His eyes searched Asahi's face. He gave a satisfied nod and pressed their foreheads together. "And maybe you can come over?"  
  
"Um. Yes. Maybe," answered Asahi quietly, trying not to lean into Noya's hands as they came up to cup his face. "I'll ask."  
  
Noya smiled, then tilted his face up to kiss Asahi again. It was gentler, more sure, infinitely more difficult to break. When he pulled back, Asahi opened his eyes slowly, dazed.  
  
"Okay," said Noya, stepping back to toe into his shoes. "Tell me tonight. I'll ask too."  
  
"Okay," echoed Asahi, straightening up. Despite himself, he felt an answer to Noya's smile start to spread on his own face. "Be safe."  
  
Noya sketched a salute, then turned on his heel and let himself out. "Goodnight, Asahi-san," he called over his shoulder, with a wicked grin.  
  
Asahi watched him go until he couldn't see him anymore.

* * *

  
That Monday morning, Asahi got to school early. Creeping among the lockers with his head ducked, he felt a little like a fugitive. His contraband: a slim, white envelope hidden between his sweater and his button-up, held in place with one hand spread over his stomach.  
  
On the phone with Noya that previous night, he’d had to decline the offer to come over. Asahi’s family needed him to help catch up with the work that had fallen behind while he was at training camp, and his family came first. Noya had sounded a little disappointed, but then consoled himself with the reassurance that they’d see one another at practice.  
  
They’d danced around their reasons for wanting to see each other. All the while, Asahi could think of nothing but the soft insistence of Noya’s mouth against his own. He wanted to ask if Noya couldn’t stop thinking about it either. He wanted to ask if Noya honestly thought that Asahi wouldn’t be thrilled to hold him. He wanted to ask if Noya’s parents knew he was pretending at school, if they supported him, if they cared at all. He wanted to ask if they’d gone right ahead and gotten him a boy’s uniform, if they’d registered him as male with the school. He wanted to ask if Noya had told his parents about Asahi himself. Desperately, desperately he wanted to ask about Noya’s real first name.  
  
Instead, they told one another goodnight after a tremendously brief twenty minutes of small talk. Asahi had felt a sense of loss when he could no longer hear Noya’s voice, but no more than two minutes after he hung up he got a text message. It had entirely too many emoticons and a pile of exclamation points. It was Noya all over, exuberance and affection.  
  
Noya liked him. He liked Noya. They were dating. However Noya identified, Asahi was most certainly his boyfriend. The thought made Asahi flush with pleasure even when he was alone.  
  
But Asahi had always planned for having a girlfriend, and though this development with Noya was beyond what he’d hoped, he couldn’t help but hold on to some of the milestones of high school romance. If Noya was, to everyone else, a male, then he never got to experience the excitement afforded to girls when they had a secret admirer. Something about it didn’t sit right with Asahi.  
  
And, well. He liked Noya, and Noya liked him. They were dating. If anyone could do something about it, Asahi could.  
  
So, in the cold early morning, Asahi stole into the school as soon as it had been unlocked, his precious cargo pressed to his stomach. Before he lost his nerve, he found Noya’s shoe locker and carefully slid the warm envelope between the slats. As soon as it was inside, he darted away, ducking low to keep from being seen.  
  
He kept to himself all morning, hiding in the back of the class, alternately thrilled with his secret and berating himself for potentially exposing Noya. What if someone stole the letter from him and read it? The thought was unbearable. But it was far too late to take it back, so Asahi could only stew.  
  
Asahi made it all the way to lunch without word or text from Noya. With a heavy heart, he headed outside to get a drink from one of the vending machines. It was better to be outside in the light of day than cooped up indoors. His nerves were like insects writhing under his skin, but he couldn’t bring himself to text Noya. He didn’t think apologizing in writing would be enough.  
  
Someone slammed into him from the side, nearly knocking him off of his feet. He shouted as he staggered, his hands coming up to catch Noya before they both fell.  
  
Without pause for breath, Noya grabbed Asahi’s arm and dragged him around the side of the building, toward the back of the gym. Asahi tried to stammer out an apology, but Noya broke into a run and it was all Asahi could do to keep up.  
  
Once they were hidden from view, Noya climbed him like a tree. Asahi had to put his shoulders against the wall for balance, his eyes wide. He braced for a blow, for anger.  
  
Despite all expectation, Noya just put his hands on either side of Asahi’s face and smiled. “You big idiot,” he breathed. “Writing me love notes?”  
  
Asahi blinked. He curled his arms under Noya’s thighs to hold him up. “I wanted to make sure you got one.”  
  
Noya flushed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He dug his fingers into Asahi’s hair and kissed him, soft and sweet. Against Asahi’s mouth, he whispered, “It was good. You had practice?”  
  
“N-no,” whispered Asahi in return. Part of him was terrified they’d be caught. Another part of him was terrified Noya would stop.  
  
In response, Noya kissed him again. Asahi could feel the smooth, hard planes of his teeth when Noya couldn’t keep himself from smiling. “You’re gonna blow my cover,” he breathed, “make me act like a girl.”  
  
Asahi flushed brightly, wondering what reaction exactly Noya would classify as feminine. He could only really see Noya blushing a little, then maybe hiding it with a cough. “Um,” he mumbled, hindered by Noya’s lips so close to his own, “W-we could just be homos? Like Captain and--"  
  
Noya laughed, cutting him off. “You’d really do that, Asahi?”  
  
Without hesitation, Asahi nodded. “You want to play with the team.”  
  
“I do,” agreed Noya, his expression softening. His smile threatened to take over his whole face, that same look of contentment and anticipation that Asahi had seen on Suga before. The recognition hit Asahi in the gut, unfurling warmth and desire inside him to answer Noya’s. “I want you, too. I want both.”  
  
Asahi tightened his grip on Noya’s thighs. “Okay. You can have that.”  
  
Again, Noya laughed. He shifted in Asahi’s grip, pushing back until Asahi set him down. “Okay,” he said, brushing himself down like he’d fallen on the ground. “Were you gonna eat outside?”  
  
Asahi mirrored his motions, straightening his sweater. “Ah - no, I was just going to get a soda or something.”  
  
Noya’s grin quirked wickedly. “Yeah? I’ll buy. You can get me something on the way home. Okay?”  
  
Noya had already turned to head around the gym, back toward the school building. Unable to do anything but follow, Asahi smiled. “Yeah. Okay.”


End file.
